Hath the ‘ASU Pisser’ Been Caught?

SAN ANGELO, TX — In the year of our Lord 2025, it hath been but one day since the rogue TikTok jester known as asukingman did post a most foul spectacle — relieving himself beside the noble Housley Tower of Angelo State University.

And lo, in the early hours of Wednesday morn, a young squire named Alexei Perez, age 20, was seized by the constables of Angelo State University. The jailers of Tom Green County record his charges thus: public intoxication and the grievous offense of disorderly conduct, namely urinating in a public place. His ransom was set at $1,546.

The realm of San Angelo remaineth under a heightened piss alert, for the infamous TikTok account ASU Pisser hath chronicled a trail of unholy waterings across the campus greens and monuments. Yet still, the question lingereth: is Perez the very knave behind these spectacles, or but another wanderer who could not keep his waters?

In this kingdom of Texas, such indecorous conduct may be branded a mere misdemeanor, yet in darker cases it riseth to the level of felony — with banishment to prison for two years and a levy of $10,000 gold coins.

The court of San Angelo LIVE! hath dispatched messengers to the keep of Angelo State University, seeking word from its lords and stewards. Updates shall be proclaimed when tidings return.